Unemployed and hating it.
Post marital depression. Should I look it up? Does it happen to everybody who’s been 4 months into this wedded life gig? Does this feeling of uselessness, indifference, and simple frustration drive all married girls to hate themselves, their pointless existence, and sometimes even the person who took them away from their pretty decent lives and dropped them into the situation they’re in now? Does this happen at all?
Then why me?
I can’t find a job. I could be better than all the candidates around but they won’t hire me. First I wasn’t an option because I was getting married, now I’m not an option because I am. I can’t teach because I have so little work experience, and I can’t work because these Goddamn employers are afraid I might have a baby and leave. Or I might want shorter hours, or I might take days off…they’ll hire everybody else, but not a married girl. Even if that same employee resigns within the month, or asks for shorter hours, or takes days off…they’ll be happy they didn’t go for the girl who might actually have needed the job. Gosh, aren’t they fuck’n Einsteins.
So I wait. I wait for replies. I wait for an interview call. I wait for a miracle; any way I can collect enough money to pay for my Master’s degree. SCAD’s a dream long dead, but Indus Valley’s a possibility isn’t it? A lakh per semester, for two semesters…
Mere baap ka paesa he kiya?
And thus the depression sets in. With every interview that doesn’t generate a come back call, with every rupee that I spend that I can’t really afford to, with every day that goes by when I can’t accomplish anything. I’m not unhappy. I’m just not happy.