Unemployed and hating it.

Post marital depression. Should I look it up? Does it happen to everybody who’s been 4 months into this wedded life gig? Does this feeling of uselessness, indifference, and simple frustration drive all married girls to hate themselves, their pointless existence, and sometimes even the person who took them away from their pretty decent lives and dropped them into the situation they’re in now? Does this happen at all?

Then why me?

I can’t find a job. I could be better than all the candidates around but they won’t hire me. First I wasn’t an option because I was getting married, now I’m not an option because I am. I can’t teach because I have so little work experience, and I can’t work because these Goddamn employers are afraid I might have a baby and leave. Or I might want shorter hours, or I might take days off…they’ll hire everybody else, but not a married girl. Even if that same employee resigns within the month, or asks for shorter hours, or takes days off…they’ll be happy they didn’t go for the girl who might actually have needed the job. Gosh, aren’t they fuck’n Einsteins.

So I wait. I wait for replies. I wait for an interview call. I wait for a miracle; any way I can collect enough money to pay for my Master’s degree. SCAD’s a dream long dead, but Indus Valley’s a possibility isn’t it? A lakh per semester, for two semesters…

Mere baap ka paesa he kiya?

And thus the depression sets in. With every interview that doesn’t generate a come back call, with every rupee that I spend that I can’t really afford to, with every day that goes by when I can’t accomplish anything. I’m not unhappy. I’m just not happy.

14 Responses to “Unemployed and hating it.”
  1. Humna says:

    OMG hira did no one prepare you for this!? This all is so normal that you getting depressed on it is a little surprising. i am guessing you have not been in touch with your friends who go through the same stress and problems. um i have been a recruitment consultant, let me tell you a few facts:

    Give yourself 3 months MINIMUM to land a job, dont even THINk about letting any thing bring you down before that.

    At interviews, make it look like your hubby, family, being a wife is SECOND priority (ofcourse its your first, do they need to know that? No.) and that you are an IMMENSELY driven and career oriented woman. Tell them that infact, that was your first criteria when you got married, that you be paired with a household totally supportive of a working lady, and you luckily got just that.

    You dont need a job, you WANT one, if you seem desperate, its for some reason apparent in your body language, it turns employers off, which sucks but its true. Go there, confident, even if its a MADE UP confidence, speak like you are confident you are gonna be an asset. i know it sounds all talk, but employer RARELY hire for skills, they totally go for attitude, i thought it was gibberish till i worked with multinationals with the weirdest reasons for hiring people!

    Did you prepare an introductory speech? um not one of us do i am guessing, but prepare one. Starting from what you can do on a job, ending at why you are suitable for it. pointers:
    on my first interview, i had no experience, but i highlighted this:
    1- i am the eldest of 3 so i am highly responsible (i am the laziest bum in the world at home, but at a job, this automatically becomes true)

    2- I like puntuality in people and myself, i am the most puntual in my group of friends and people (um again in everyday life that so UNTRUE, but on a job, i AM PUNCTUAL, on time!)

    3- I am willing to prove myself, if given a chance, theres always the probation period, and I am sure I will prove to have the right attitude as a learner and contributer, you can try me

    4- I have always been one of those concientious people in all my projects, who looked after detail, reminded people of time lines, and made sure our work was done within a perscribed deadline (er part true, part complete hogwash. but you sure as hell will be doing that when its required of you)

    5- No task that seems daunting enough to at the moment you are introduced to it is actually so. Trust me on that. i lost excellent jobs cz of hesitation when they asked me i could do blahblah and i was like.. um i am not sure! WRONG answer.. tell them you are confident in your ability and would obviously seek support where and when required. when you are put on the spot, you DO deliver, its all that time before that you are worrying and whatnot that you think you cant. i know it cz its happened exactly with me.

    okay i have a thousand and one things i can tell you here honestly. the recruiter in me can jabber much. but if you are getting calls for interviews, you are going there, and THEN being turned down, that means theres somehting wrong with the attitude with whcih you are dealing with them.. cz your cv ALREADY told them you have no experience, but they still called you,cz they were interested to know if they could train you into what they want.. what are you doing wrong?

    p.s: the married part is a sensitive issue, think of it this way, if you were a corporation, would you hire someone who can go on maternity leave that you would have to pay for according to law or whatever? tell them you are too young to have babies dude. tell them you got married but that doesnt end your life as a career oriented woman, if anything your inlaws are very supportive and encouraging about the fact!

    ok. let me know if you want any more tips!

  2. Humna says:

    also, if you want jobs sitting at home, train yourself on a skill, like web designing. do it from home and earn. write term papers for us based websites and get paid, write a book or something, anything that keeps you occupied, its actually endless possibilities, and only as hard as your first attempt, after that it comes easy.. dont be frustrated.

  3. some says:

    hey if you are really desperate and would work anywhere at all i know some places which will take just about anyone. first off there’s a school which might just need art teachers. if you’re willing to teach i can give you the details. and don’t get so frustrated, inshallah you’ll find a way out and things will be fine like they always have 🙂

  4. Haris Gulzar says:

    Hello and Salam. First of all, a nice post I must say. Letting out what you feel isn’t easy. So good job. Secondly, Isn’t being a house wife a full time job? Or maybe more than that :-). Thirdly, I disagree with that long comment. All I’d say is, be true to yourself if not to those interviewing you for the job. I mean if you really think you’d leave them once you have a baby, or you’d ask for short hours, then they’re definitely right in thinking that way about you. Others resigning even the next day is just their hard luck, but they have to make sure to hire someone THEY THINK won’t leave. And instead of appearing confident, try to be confident. Made up confidence DOES NOT live for a minute. And instead of telling them something you aren’t, tell them what you are. Be yourself :-).

    Just my 2 cents. Sorry for disagreeing with the comment but I couldn’t resist replying. And nice blog. Stay happy and blessed, and may Allah help you get what you want…

  5. adeel says:

    I thought you had a job before you got married? did you dump them, because you had gotten married? 🙂

  6. Leena S. says:

    oh well Hira, I have been going through post marriage depression too. I dont have a job, I am not studying and I am not even in Pakistan. But its getting better now Alhamdulillah. I am settling in so I am sure you will too. Start with thanking God for what He has already given you in the form of an amazing husband and a great susraal. That should make you feel a lot better…in fact tell yourself, and I actually mean tell yourself verbally, that you are happy and satisfied. Trust me, it works. And yes, dont put urself in so much pressure. You will land a really good job insha Allah and I know that ur husband and ur susraal will do everything to support you. God, I am becoming such an auntie!!! Hope to see you soon 🙂

  7. Minerva says:

    I hear you babe. The initial euphoria of the new and the fresh settles down and then you begin to wonder … what am I really doing with my life? Is this all that I can be? The good news for me was, I knew that my husband wasn’t one of those people who would hold me back and if I had a good opportunity he would encourage me to take it and that he did. I began writing for the magazine (which isn’t a job, really, but it gives me some sense of purpose anyway) and remained in hope that somehow someday, I’ll be doing something else as well.

    My main problem wasn’t finding a job, my main problem was being in a country where the job options were unbelievably limited. They pay something that is extremely unreasonable to what I demand and I chose I’d rather sit at home and watch tv than toil away all day and bear the stress of a working environment and get paid shit for it. I didn’t make that deal in Pakistan and I wasn’t going to make that deal now.

    As far as post-marriage depression is concerned, I’m going to be really honest. I’m going to ask YOU to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if this is really you talking to you or if there is something environment-related that is making you feel this way. Knowing your intellectual capabilities, I have a feeling you’ll be able to figure out the difference between the two and begin to analyze and realize a solution to it all.

    If you really want something to do outside the house, try teaching at some dinky school or something. Teach O Levels english or try applying to some university, they’ll hire you soon enough. Teaching at school level is easy and negotiable, it doesn’t have ot be super-corporate and it doesn’t ahve to be extremely tough on your schedule at home as well.

    There is a light at the end of hte tunnel, trust me, it’s not all as bad as that and I’m pretty sure that if you’re willing to give up a few high-end deals, you’ll find yourself in a work-routine soon enough. It may not be the work-routine you had dreamed of … but it’ll be good enough to give you a … sense of purpose.

    All the best.

  8. Humna says:

    Just to clarify, never implied that you lie! Fine line between lying and making them see your potential for what you WOULD do on the job, I’d say! Dont hide your potential just cz you never got a job to excercise it! Since you have no experience, you can only give them an idea of what you CAN do. Being responsible, meeting deadlines, being punctual, providing quick creative solutions, thats the basics any job would require of you and Trust me, you could be the biggest slob at home, but you are that only at home, not when working, not unless you can afford to (at times) cz you wouldnt last the probation period in a place where you arent adding up consistently.

    Also, no employer is legally allowed to discriminate on the basis of your religion, sex, or whether or not you are about to have a baby. But is that the reality? nope. they go as far as to state it to your face that your being a woman and married makes them nervous, and they would likely opt for someone else. Highly discriminatory. So the solution is to keep personal matters to yourself, if we were in a purely non-discriminatory environment, laying out your plans for the coming years to a company and expecting them to be understanding would make sense, in real world, thats seldom something you would share even with a company you have been with for quite a number of years.

    just thought I’d clarify 😛

  9. Hira S. says:

    Hey thanks everyone!!!
    I don’t know Humna, my attitude’s always been pretty good. The only reason i can possibly come up with is the married issue. And the lack of experience. Khaer I’ve sent my CV to a few schools, and am keeping my fingers crossed. Plus, a school’ll pay WAY more than a dinky textile design job- and all i really want is to collect enough money for my tuition, right? 😀

    Adeel, it is a tragedy that deserves a post by itself. I was- to put it bluntly- terminated while i took my ‘wedding leave’. Sigh.

    It’s nice to know Minerva and Leena are going through the same thing I am. I wish you guys were here- it’s not easy to call long distance when you live with your in laws, no matter how awesome they are :S

    Thanks Haris, MJ and some for the dilaasey. You all rock.

  10. farooqk says:

    all my 4 wives were depressed initially for the same reason. but once they had 4 babies each, motherhood before a full time job, and then some. khekhekhekhe

  11. Absar says:

    I can’t say anything about post marital depression, but don’t feel bad about not landing a job yet. I was unemployed for eight.fucking.months, and damn it I am good at what I do. Just because you haven’t landed a job yet doesn’t mean you’re not gonna, or that you’re not good enough for one. Take it easy girl, don’t be that hard on yourself.

  12. Humna says:

    hm, then those employers are definitely dumb. i know it doesnt help at all with the depression but, have faith, this wont last, unless you give up.

    i have a friend who studied from iba, did one crappy job, got disheartened and left it. she tried finding a job for a month or so, didnt get any, gave up, and now its been a year since shes sitting at home. so basically, Dont give up. if she hadnt, she was sure to have landed one eventually.

    also, i am sort of in the same boat as you at the moment. i have two part time jobs in london now, both in my own field of interest, but thats not good enough, i want a full time one. and i battle with this depression you are talking about everyday, Despite having something work related to do almost each day. and i know that no matter how much i want to give up out of sheer disappointment and frustration at one job or the other that i KNOW i am suitable for, the only thing that will not let me land one is if i give up. which, well, i cant afford to 😛

  13. Raiya says:

    I am surprised at the way people are suggesting you to teach Hira. Before you go on to teach anybody…ask yourself, Can you teach? Do you have the potential? Teaching is not easy, don’t go into it if you don’t have a passion for it…cx I have come across many teachers in my life who were there just for the money and trust me they are BAD!…the education system of Pakistan is bad as it is…please do not contribute in maknig it much worse. Do some freelance writing instead.

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