wait and watch

Dawats are killing me. Heavily embroidered clothes are killing me. Tonnes of make up is killing me. It’s been 40 days since my wedding, I think it’s about time I give up the newly married status…please, people in my family; move on! We have.

Before we were married S and I used to talk a lot. He’d call me up and refuse to hang up until I begged him I needed to sleep. For some reason I hate putting down the phone on someone I care about, I keep waiting til I hear the click on the other end and then place the phone on its cradle. Probably subconscious symbolism. Anyway, I realised yesterday that we’ve stopped talking- just random pointless talking. It’s just work, some dawat, come home late, and sleep. To gain a husband I feel like I’ve lost a pretty good friend. Oh well, maybe he’s sleepwalking through the dawats phase like I am.

There are moments I want to make a clay statue- feel the cold mud-like substance in my hands and just stack and mould, cut and smoothen…just see how high my clay tower can grow before it hardens, cracks and falls as the sun rises. I’ve always sucked at sculpture, I wonder why I’m getting such cravings now. Maybe, after all these days of looking pretty and perfect I’d like to get my hands and clothes dirty. Such liberation.

You have not lived until you’ve had a true ‘surf excel hai na!’ moment.

I’ve seen the world ending so many times in the past days: In 9, Zombieland, and 2012; but in cinema, mankind still somehow survives…Well, in 9 these cute little gunny sacks do but you know what i mean. On film, the human spirit can conquer everything- plague, shifting of tectonic plates, a technological apocalypse, erratic cannibalism…maybe that’s why people actually go to see disaster movies: to regain some faith in humanity.

Heaven knows we, of all people, need some faith in  humanity.

I’m a cynic; colder than the average reptile, lazier than the average panda. One of the few things people like me are good at is keeping our head when all about us people are losing theirs; we’re the smart alecks who stock up on helmets before the meteor shower. Living in constant cynicism teaches you how predictable people are; they’ll always disappoint you. And since you’re prepared to be disappointed, you never really are. Hence, happiness.

Buddha was one sick, smart bastard.

PS- This post is written to commemorate the ditching of the NRO. As if it would make a difference.

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Comments
8 Responses to “wait and watch”
  1. Minerva says:

    While I find it hard to associate hope with the ditching of the NRO, I think it’s good that you find these apocalyptic movies giving faith-in-humanity messages. How’s that for subconscious symbolism? Whenever I watch these doomsday flicks, I wonder if people are really that desperate to see the world end or if it is somehow at the back of our minds a fear that we can’t survive the shit we’re going through.

    Please don’t be sick of the newly married phase. It’s quite a high, really. I barely got to enjoy it for 20 odd days with all the traveling around the country and then moving to a different country and then setting up the house.

    As for not communicating sometimes and thinking you’ve lost a friend – I don’t think that’s true. Sometimes friends just shut up and sit with each other – not talking. Happens na? So S is still yr friend, obviously, it’s just that when you spent time with someone 24/7 – you run out of things to say. Kinda natural. I thought it was weird too in the beginning. But it’s not like we don’t enjoy each others’ company on other ocassions. We still watch movies together, laugh together, talk incessantly and discuss things. But yeah sometimes we like our quiet time and we sit in different rooms. It’s not weird, it’s just something normal and human.

    : )

  2. Humna says:

    hey, i agree with minerva.. dont jump to conclusions that you lost a friend so early on.. give it time, you are exhausted with being the wife with all its social demands and whatnot involved, maybe he is too in being the husband 😛 who knows what hes thinking. but i am guessing living in a pair takes getting used to when you have been so used to being single for so long and having others take care of your every whim, but now its the other way around.

  3. farooqk says:

    youre alive!!!!

  4. ibteda says:

    Well, its been two years and I still miss the intense talks. Not that I’d replace what we have now with then, but then again, everytime I visit Karachi without him, the talks resume & I guess that means nothing is really lost in real. 🙂

  5. Leena S. says:

    UPDATE kero larkii!!

  6. Minerva says:

    Lagta hai she has said goodbye to blogging.

  7. pinkkay says:

    Hira, if you really love your husband and dont want him to have extra 15-16 blogenemies, i suggest you should return to blogging at once!!!

    😉

  8. imran says:

    You watched 9 my uncle worked on animating that!

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