I haven’t posted for some time. My apologies. All I’ve written is right here in one veeeery long post. If you get to the end, please leave a comment assuring me you actually managed to finish 😀
21. 11. 2009
Ullu ke Pathey
When life hands you a lemon, you can either make lemonade or squirt the lemon in life’s eye. For some reason the second action is a little more satisfying. I like seeing people who’ve caused me even minor pain suffer; sort of keeps my belief in God alive. Leaving everything to the Day of Judgment takes more patience than I have…Allah is more forgiving than I, so what if I am not avenged? What if He tells my offender “Ok beta, maaf kiya. She’s a bit high strung so it probably did her more good than harm. It was all for the best”?
No. I’d like to see justice in this world.
Bilal’s in Waziristan. Everyday I read the newspaper hoping for some news that’ll signal the end of this war. I want my cousin back home safely, out of the asshole of the world* and back where men are men and not animals.
Wars are won by fear. We are terrified so we’ve already lost this one. We lost it years ago, when Liaquat Ali Khan signed the Objectives Resolution, when we turned Kashmir into a religious war and not the political conflict that it was, when we backed the militants within Lal Masjid and not our own government. We chose to let this war grow out of control and now we wonder how it got so big. Don’t you remember? You wanted it this way. Learn to deal with the monster now.
You can’t fight a mindset with physical weapons. You can’t kill a people not afraid of death.
So how do you win against warped religion?
How do you fight against an ideal?
Do you educate? How will that work if they blow up your schools?
Do you reach out with kindness?
Good idea. But how?
You build schools they will bomb, you treat their children with vaccines they shun as a conspiracy to de-man their sons, you give them monetary compensation they will use to buy guns, you give them space in your cities as a way they can introduce suicide bombers in your midst.
Kill yourself with kindness, why don’t you?
There is so much to hate in this country. Its emotional and irrartional outlook to purely economic and political problems, its inability to dissociate itself from the non-existant muslim ummah, its anger at countries who are not the actual cause of its problems, it’s unbelievable lack of perspective and the deep inborn belief that nothing we do is wrong and might have consequences.
We scream and shout like madmen to the West and expect it to take us seriously.
Would you take a stark raving looney seriously? Would you?
Would you take money grubbing weasels seriously either?
And would you respect a nation that backs the killing of its own army by men who bomb innocent civilians in the name of a religion that they know little about- besides its name?
Haan,yeh hum hain. Yeh saare Waziristan aur Swat main baithey ullu ke pathey hum hi main se hain. Hum musalmaan, hum Pakistani.
Deal with it.
4. 12. 2009
So you’re wondering why I haven’t updated?
Hmm…let me start from the beginning.
Firstly, I’m lazy. And what with not really having a purpose to my existence other than being S’s wife, I’m getting sloth-isher. I spend my days figuring out where time is going and if there’s any way I can be of use to anybody. My sister in law has a six month old baby so I’m getting a free workshop on how to raise a kid…people tell me it’ll be useful later on, but I’m pretty sure that a year or two later when I’ll actually need it, I’ll have forgotten everything.
Secondly, I’m becoming a girl. Better late than never, as everybody says. I’ve joined a gym, got a haircut, and started applying make up. Soon maybe I’ll stop cussing and calling people ‘dude’ and the metamorphosis will be complete.
What the who, I’ve learned quite a bit in the meantime. There are things you can and cannot do if you’re living in a joint family. It’s not just about you and your spouse; everything you do has to be thought out. You have to consider the consequences; you have to keep in mind the sensitivities of the entire family. How is that different from a nuclear family anyway? Well firstly, your mom might take your shit kindly but your mom-in-law, however nice, won’t. she’s probably up to her ears taking the crap her own kids spew out, it’s selfish and mean if one expects her to handle adopted shit as well. So most of my day is spent trying to be a nice person. It’s so much effort I’m exhausted by the time I get to bed yet sadly when S asks me what I’ve been up to I can’t really think of anything more constructive than feeding the baby mashed potatoes while singing him Barney songs.
Oh how I hate that purple dinosaur.
I’m waiting for my pc. Everybody here has a laptop and considering my history with electronic gadgets that’s one thing I will never ever consider buying. A pc cannot be dropped or forgotten in a car, somebody else’s house or the lavatory, and it won’t cost me 4 months salary either. And a pc can easily deal with a name like Egbert Junior. A laptop would want something snazzy like Von Gigabyte and I’m not that big on having aristocratic computers.
I think I’m coping well. They say the first year you’re just meant to observe and understand the people and the household. I’ll be trying to update regularly, once I find a way to make time for just myself, maybe then I can put up a post that is not as faltu as this one. But it’ll take time.
It’s just been a month.