Oh dear God…I don’t know what to do.

Should I pray for children?

Or should I not pray for children?

What in God’s name should a girl who’s not particularly fond of kids do?

A few days ago, I, my mum and my cousin along with her two children went shopping for chooriyan. Yes, I know. What were we thinking bringing two kids- brother and sister at that- to a store where everything is made of glass but somebody must have let the bull into the china shop ergo age old mahawara, so we’re not the only idiots around, ok?

My niece and nephew drove me mad.

Nawal decided she wanted every pair of choori in the shop that was her size, Rayyan kept hitting me with his baseball cap, then Nawal and Rayyan started fighting over who got the stool, Nawal wins because she is louder, she stands on top of it and belts out nursery rhymes. Rayyan gets caught in random ninja aunties’s burqas, his khala extricates him out before he gets booked for harassment; luckily there is no ordinance against lesbians or who would have saved the khala?

I then come up with a trick my mum’s used a million times. I tell Nawal (who’s progressed to Ait taali batali! Oon ai tiya?) that if she doesn’t shut up the scary dukaandaar uncle will beat her up; she looks at me mockingly, gets off her stool, walks up to the guy and asks him pointedly:

“Aap mudhe maalain de tiya?” [Will you hit me?]

Poor guy gets freaked out and stammers “No no beta. Of course not!”

Nawal ignores me and returns to stool

God in Heaven, I can’t pray for kids. I just can’t.


From you, to you except you’re not.

We’re at the chooriyan store, my niece (why in heaven’s name did we bring toddlers to a choori store?)is  standing on a stool reciting nursery rhymes, my nephew is standing behind me hitting me with his hat, my mother is making sets for S’s cousins and nieces, and I’m trying to choose the colors I want from a myriad of plain glass bangles. I decide on yellow, red, green, turquoise, blue and black. My mother turns to me and says “What’s this? You’re picking out plain bagles? I told you to look through the fancy ones!”

“But these’ll be much easier to wear!”

“Arey!? Why do you keep forgetting you’re getting married. You won’t be the same Hira Saiyed anymore!”

Why not?

I wish I could change fundamentally. Start liking children, maybe. Become a better muslim, a warmer person, less sarcastic, more generous, grateful and happy. But wishing I could change all through my childhood and teenage life didn’t make an iota of difference- I stayed stubborn, angry, too smart for my own good, too irritable of other people’s weakness. I learned to hide it better, but that’s about it. We don’t change from how God fundamentally made us, nobody does.

So why will I stop liking plain chooriyan?

Why will I stop wanting to go to SCAD, or loving mac & cheese or watching football matches for hot footballers?

Because I’m Hira Sayem? Not Hira Saiyed?

As if.

12 Responses to “28”
  1. farooqk says:

    dont pray for kids. youd make a horrible mess outta them. too many screw ups on the planet already. we dont need no more.



  2. Minerva says:

    I know what you mean, Hira. Having kids is like knowing that you’ll change yr life forever as you know it. It’s a BIG BIG decision and we’ve learnt to love our sanity, our independence and our me-times. Why should we give that up for a screaming, pooping, burping two year old (NOT Farooq, re. his comment) who’s going to tell us fifteen years from now that he’s got the worst parents in the world for not letting him go to a concert?

    But you know what?

    We end up wanting them and loving them anyway.

    Strange but true. So goddarn true.

  3. Saadat says:

    Completely off-topic (since I have no idea what to say) : how do you spell ‘Nawal’ in Urdu, and what does it mean?

  4. Sophi says:

    Think from the other point of view, you know you will have heaven underneath your feet after having kids.

  5. Senilius says:

    Repost this after a year! 😛

  6. shiny says:

    kids are really lovely. trust me, ive spent enough time with them. a lot of their loveliness depends on their brought up though, so a big responsibility on you.

  7. Leena S. says:

    i never thought id want kids too….dont want kids for another two years i think but literally everyone else expects me to have a baby with me on my first wedding anniversary!

  8. Dude!!! You ARE stupid!!! Who the heck takes “double trouble” to a shop (that you dont own, more so, if you owned it.) with fragile stuff!!!

    And if you really wanted to scare the little kid, you should have said you ll beat her instead of the dukandaar!

  9. ibteda says:

    ..got directed here from Mahwash’s blog.
    I dunno about change, I thought I wouldnt change, and for ages thought hadn’t changed but lately, random littel things are making me realize that marraige has changed me a lot. Not my fashion sense or love for spices (both of which are unorthadox at my susral) but basically how I react to things and ideas.
    Maybe it will happen to you too. 🙂

  10. Hira S. says:

    hel-lo people! how are we all doing today? Ok, letst take this one at a time
    Yes, true. That’s why i’ll leave the bringing up to S. He’s all balanced and stuff.

    Sigh…i knowww…i’m sure at some point in my life i may actually WANT a small, hyperactive, pain in the ass driving me up the wall, and pooping at unfortunate places, but not soon. Atleast not the first two years. Plus, this is actually something two people SHOULD decide before they get married.
    Noon, wao, alif, laam, i think.
    i think it means new?
    Lol! After the shit kids put them through, don’t you think mummies deserve it?
    haw. this is one opinion that wont change SAWJ (no way in hell m i calling you senilius)
    oh dear…hun you’re not making me feel any better.

    Haha!! Given my opinion on your blog. Screw what people expect. If you did get pregnant they’d be like “Itni jaldi? abhi tau shadi enjoy karne ka waqt tha!”

    yaar. I’ve told you a million times I’m NOT a dude. At all. Even nawal knows that hence she totally does not take me seriously. Plus the dukaandar was huge. Who knew he’d be such a wuss?

    Hey there! Welcome to my blog. and i hope not. last thing i want to be is a traditional “married woman”

  11. Senilius says:

    For the record, you just called me Senilius in your reply! 😛

  12. Saadat says:

    Ah, right. I checked نوال in a dictionary and it returned these two results. Must be the first one.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: