My mother and I are- different.

She’s a social phenomenon. I’m a bit verbal-accident prone.

She drives like a maniac- Nascar should be glad to have her. I drive. And that’s a big deal. Really.

She spends her days in a whirlwind of energy doing good deeds and completing the leftover tasks of others. I spend my days wondering what to do and how to avoid things that need to be done.

My mom gets what she wants. Me, I let her.

The one thing you truly learn because of your parents is the art of compromising. I’m Picasso in that field.

But that’s got to stop. Now. I’ve rolled over and died way too may times in my life; where I went to school, what I studied, and who I’m marrying; but I cannot let her make one of the most important decisions of my life: the furniture of my bedroom.

The only major disagreement I’ve had with my parents ever since my engagement has been what they’re giving me for my dowry. I’m anti-everything. It’s enough they’re giving their educated, soon-to-be-barsar-e-rozgaar (I got a job by the way :D), intelligent, presentable, ex-rotaract president, naazon-pali yet still sugharr beti away; why do they have to go bankrupt thanking them as well? To be honest, S’s family should be the ones bending over backward in gratitude. But sadly, coming from a fascist family, all my logic and reasoning is drowned by a single glance from the dictator my father, who says it’s none of my Goddamn business.

And just like that, I rolled over and died again. Next time I won’t even try to save them money.

But back to my mother. She and I, as previously mentioned, are different. My mother is Baroque. I am Bauhaus.

Let me illuminate.




Bauhausbauhaus 2

Baroquebaroque 2


My mother said if that’s the kind of stuff I like she’d get me a chaarpai and two stools. I replied if that was the sort of stuff you were planning to give me, I’ll take the chaarpai and two stools gladly. Needless to say it all went downhill from there.

I didn’t take a stand for S. I mean, why should I have? He was gift-wrapped, with a bow and card, and dropped into my lap on Valentine’s day. Sorry baby, but you were. You’ll have to deal with the fact that I will take you for granted all my life.

And I didn’t take a stand against S. I had nothing and nobody to fight for- except a principle that I should be in love with the man I marry. I killed that principle too- experience has taught me being in love with a man doesn’t necessarily mean he should love you back. I’ve never regretted my decision for an instant though. I will, shukar alhamdulillah, actually  be in love with the man I marry.

I didn’t take a stand for SCAD either. That dream is dying a slow but painless death. Someday, maybe, I’ll be able to earn enough to pay my way through the Masters program…but all I have is my fingers crossed. I’m not giving up, just giving in right now.

I didn’t take a stand for pretty much anything in my life. I’m one of those crazy lucky people who don’t expect much and thus get handed over things they didn’t really ask for (mashaAllah). So I’m not really that adept at fighting the good fight. I prefer letting things go….and complaining later.

But I can’t compromise on this. All I’ll have in my new house, with my new family that would truly be mine (other than S), is this one room. I want something that’ll define me and him (who has marvelous taste in furniture by the way- almost exactly like mine) and not what my mother thinks is a fitting room for a bride. I’m going to be a bride for one night- the rest of my life I’ll just be trying to stay Hira.

17 Responses to “63”
  1. farooqk says:

    minimal is the way to go, i dont get why parents think the furniture should look like the set of kamasutra or something! 😀

  2. pi says:

    hmmm..totally know what you mean..im dead against the whole dahej scene. in fact, i dont even want more than 20 people at my wedding..but for asians its never really your your wedding..its more for your parents and your family.

    heres a suggestion..tell them that your fiance likes the minimalistic furniture…they wont fight that.

  3. Hira S. says:

    oh trust me, pi. they would. that’s the first argument i used and they said they didn’t believe him. Now how can you argue with that?

  4. My biggest argument after which there is no other argument is: (drum roll)

    “I married the girl you guys loved, now I ll marry the way ‘I’ love, otherwise you cant count me out of the whole thing, get someone else to sit in!”

  5. farooqk says:

    this friend of mine was telling me the other day; there’s some major benefits to arranged marriage, nothing’s on you! Its all on the folks, and its easy, and if youre a guy you really really get to have your way with everything!!! 😀

  6. adeel says:

    Wow…! There is creative inspiration for me in this post somewhere.

    >My mother said if that’s the kind of stuff I like she’d get me a chaarpai and two stools. I replied if that was the sort of stuff you were planning to give me, I’ll take the chaarpai and two stools gladly.

    Classic stuff!

  7. H says:

    lol.. well.. i kinda think they are justified in going overboard.. they would want to give their daughter as much as they can and whatever they percieve will make her life easier in the time to come..

    but yeah.. parents should realize.. there was a time they could doll us up and select our wardrobes and what not for us to their hearts content.. but right now, they should not be imposing their will.

    though you know.. what they ultimately will want, will happen.. which kinda sucks in some things.. but kinda rocks in others.

  8. MAK says:

    U know it took me three posts from u to realize that this 69, 64 and and 63 are actually count down for ur wedding. Before this post i thougt it was just a creative mind of women at its best.

    One more thing i kind of liked “Baroque” bedroom but other things weren’t upto the mark. May be it was the lighting.

    Best of luck when u confront with ur parents. i also agree “what they ultimately will want, will happen”…. sooner u learn it more u can enjoy ur “Bachelor” lyf.

  9. beyond says:

    i will say go for the antique style.why?they never go out of style.modern style changes after every couple of years.and who has time and energy to change things every few years.just my 2 pence.

  10. Anas Imtiaz says:

    congrats on the job!

  11. Hira S. says:


    FINALLY. Somebody noticed the real reason for the post.

  12. Minerva says:

    You got a job! Yay! (I don’t care if Anas said it first, that’s what I noticed!)

    As for giving up… just pick your battles.

  13. barsar-e-rozgaar is such a pretty word

  14. adeel says:

    On the mother-daughter difference… found this interesting entry on H2G2.

    Without Philosophy
    Daughter: Can I go to Anna’s party tonight?
    Mother: No, not on a school night.
    D: But everyone else’s mum lets them go!
    M: You’re not going, and that’s final.
    D: That’s so unfair!

    With Philosophy
    D: But everyone else’s mum lets them go!
    M: There are two assumptions there. The first is that everyone’s mum does in fact allow them go, which, in the absence of detailed evidence, I am inclined to doubt. Secondly, you assume that because I am in a minority, I am incorrect. Yet there are many examples of holders of a minority view being correct. Surely you do not mean to claim that simply being in a majority confers truth?

    D: I don’t wish to claim that. But why do you think allowing me to go the party would be an incorrect decision?

    M: Because you have school tomorrow.
    D: You make the assumption that a late night would have an adverse affect my schoolwork. This I would deny; but we can assume that it is true for the moment. There is, however, a more serious assumption that you make. You assume that any disadvantages from my being a little tired from being up late will not be outweighed by the advantages that could be gained by my being at the party, such as increased self-esteem, social skills, and life experience. I dispute the primary importance you appear to attach to education and knowledge, and argue that these are only two virtues among many others, which are equally important for my personal development.

    M: This may be so, but it doesn’t show that the virtues of self-esteem and social skills should, on this occasion, outweigh education. And the less said about life experience, the better, young lady. If, as you say, the virtues of self-esteem and social skills and education are just three among many others, then the choice between them is simply a matter of judgment. You will concede that I am older and wiser than you are, and I am therefore better placed to make this judgment. Therefore, I conclude, I have the right – and, as your mother, the duty – to use this judgment in your best interests, which on this occasion is not to let you go the party.

    D: But why?
    M: You’re not going, and that’s final.
    D: That’s so unfair!

    For the full thing go here http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A617843

  15. m says:

    lol, hell yes, you should have your own way

  16. Minerva says:

    Hira, please return.

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