Old life, I miss thee already

Don’t worry. I haven’t run away. Yet.

When I asked for a happening life, God, I did not ask you to send all the happenings You had planned for the next five years to be stuffed into this week. Really I didn’t. Love Your enthusiasm but honestly….

When you’ve got fifteen things running around your mind every second, it becomes difficult to focus on any one. And when every thought is a mini cluster bomb it becomes hard to duck for cover underneath the safe stuff one always knew about- books, music, pie, best friends…I’m coping, but when, until a few days ago all I had to worry about was the next day and if feeling particularly clairvoyant, the next week, now I’m worrying about the rest of my life. I did that anyway, but never so seriously. SCAD’s a dream, as is living and dying in an orchard, but this is scary reality. I mean, how in heaven’s name am I supposed to handle something that might actually happen?? How can I handle my thesis when I’m trying to not worry about how I can’t handle something that might actually happen? How on earth can I handle my parents who don’t seem to give a shit about my thesis and the fact that I’m worrying about how I can’t handle something that might actually happen?

How can I handle my parents at all?

My mother and father have officially lost their perspective. Yesterday my mother asked me to start writing a list of people who are invited. After the obvious khalas and chachis and mamus I realized we were progressing onto my parents second and third cousins and duur ke rishtadaars…

My dad (to mum) “Suno Dilnasheen ka naam likha tum ne? Mehjabeen ko bhi bula dena…”
Me: Yeh Dilnasheen kaun hain?
Mum: Tumhain Dilnasheen nahi yaad? Un ke ghar gaee nahi thi pichle saal?
Me: Jin ke ghar main zindagi main ek baar gaee huun aap un ko kyun bula rahe hain!?
Dad: Kyunke woh meri first cousins hain!
Me: But you don’t visit them! And I don’t even know who they are!
Mum: Jin ke ghar insaan ek baar bhi gaya hota he us ko is tarah bhulata nahi he. Aur tumhain kiya hum jis ko bhi bulayen? Chup kar ke naam likho.
Me: Kya maini mujhe kiya? Mangni meri ho rahi he!
Dad: Aur paese main de raha huun. Haan ab Banno aapa ka bhi naam likh dena…un ko bhi keh dein ge
Me: Un ka intiqaal nahi ho gaya tha?

Turns out I have 2 super powers; not only can I kill every electronic item within a 20 meter radius, I can also offend every person in a room with a single sentence.

Now you see why I’m worried? If my parents plan to go so overboard on my engagement which should, ideally, be a small function of around 30 people maximum (with me not attending), how over enthusiastic will they be on my wedding? And considering the sort of person I am, wouldn’t it be better for them that they invite less people so they are fewer eye-witnesses to any absurdity I might commit?
Do they want me to trip and fall on my face in front of a thousand people?
Or forget to even come?
Don’t they know me?

18 Responses to “Old life, I miss thee already”
  1. Pinky says:

    LOLLLL @ “Un ka intiqaal nahi ho gaya tha?” 😛
    One advantage of having Taliban in-laws; they dont believe in engagement 😀 warna i would have made a fool out of myself by pulling faces at kids n evil relatives..i just cant resist

  2. Absar says:

    What kind of a name is Dilnasheen????? At first I thought your mom was referring to the guy. But then I thought why would he need to be invited! 😛

    @Pinky: You have Taliban in-laws?????? The Allah-o-Akbar! KABOOM!! types????

  3. Just hang in there. I won’t say I know exactly how you feel [because I don’t] but I do know how I get in such situations. Like someones squeezing the life out of me and everything is gone out of my control. It gives me panic attacks. I hate it.

    It’s just a matter of time… inshaAllah, I’m hoping things get back to normal… but I have a feeling they wont until you’re hitched.

  4. Leena S. says:

    there were only 40 people on my engagement and i felt so weird, felt like hiding under a carpet, running away from home. i can imagine how u must be feeling…but u dont worry at all, this would just be a good learning experience of dealing with 250 guests, all of them calling u dulhan so that u would be able to deal with 1500 on ur wedding 😀

  5. minerva says:

    Someone called my house once. I asked, “Kon sahab bol rahay hain?”

    Ans: “Zia ul haq.”

    Me: “Ap toh mar gaye thay?”


  6. LOL @ minverva! hahah

  7. Anas Imtiaz says:

    The not-knowing-your-rishtedars thing has happened alot. In fact, when my mom asked me to put someone’s name on invitation list, I reminded her that the man is dead. My mom was obviously surprised at the conviction with which I said that. In fact I even told her the cause of his death. My mom then called the house of those guys to find out if indeed that was true or not. Turned out, I mixed someone else with him.

    And seriously, why do you girls have to whine before engagements/marriages?!! You know there is no point in doing that 😛 Band karo yeh drama 😀

  8. Anas Imtiaz says:

    And dnt worry about the people. Serve the food early, more than half of them will jst eat and leave 😀

  9. minerva says:

    Anas obviously doesn’t have a girlfriend, does he?

  10. Leena S. says:

    anas doesnt know how it feels to be sitting like a mannequin for 3-4 hours wen it is ur own engagement/wedding and it shud be u who should be enjoying not sitting in one corner

  11. Hira S. says:

    exactly my point. the guy gets to laugh and talk while we sit like frozen.
    not that i’d lbe laughing. wanting to puke would be my problem…

    and yeah, i doubt anas has a girlfriend 😀

  12. Anas Imtiaz says:

    anas is under attack

    u doubt? u shud be sure that i dont have one!! and im so thankful to Almighty 😛

  13. MAK says:

    I agree with Anas…i haven’t been in that situation yet…still i am with Anas
    “seriously, why do you girls have to whine before engagements/marriages?!! You know there is no point in doing that 😛 Band karo yeh drama :)”

  14. Rashid says:

    they are girls so they whine. 🙂

    Anas is lucky enough that he does not have a girl friend. Zaroor koi naiki kaam arahi hay! 😛

    bus bhaye shadi karo aur bv ko sambhalo. Ye girl friends palna boht boring kaam hay..

  15. minerva says:


    Biwi ko ‘sambhalo’ ?

    I think it’s time for all feminists to attack.

  16. anas says:

    before an attack, let me clear that I’ve no affiliation, whatsoever, with Rashid nor do I support the words ‘sambhalo’ and ‘palna’ by him 😀

  17. Rashid says:

    anas is smiling. He understood what I meant. 🙂

    @minerva: think positive and “B” positive!

  18. Is ‘B’ Positive your blood type? Cuz you ll need drum loads of blood now that you ‘ve pissed her off!

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