Kids and I

I like kids. I really do. I think they’re cute, and funny, and soft. And they’re fun to kiss (if you can catch them) and they’re fun to run after when you want to kiss them, and they say the darnedest things. But what can one do with a kid that’s none of these-yet?

I can’t get excited over infants less than 7 weeks old. They’re not cute- close up they look like smooth-skinned ETs and honestly- how interesting can a creature whose highlight of the day is letting out a burp be? And yet, people are fascinated by them. They stick their face into its face, say “oh kitchy pitchy chota bacha, aww goochi moochi goo” and then double over with joy when it opens its eyes and sticks out its tongue.

Next thing you know, it’ll vomit and they’ll send it to college.

Today I voiced my opinions and shocked my entire family. I think they won’t let me raise my own kids, and they’ll hold alternate parenting sessions with my offspring to give them a well-rounded, balanced childhood. I won’t mind. They can have them til they’re 2 years old. And potty-trained. But then I want my kids back.

I’ve noticed kids instinctively know when somebody has no clue how to handle them. Children adore my sister, and she can baby-talk with them for hours. I on the other hand feel children deserve respect and at least some semblance of an intelligent conversation, which is why they completely ignore me until they’re 9 years old and want to be taken seriously.

It’s funny how when children need attention they’re treated like kids; and when they don’t really care what you think or who you are, they’re considered intelligent if they can burp by themselves. Parenting really needs to be changed.

25 Responses to “Kids and I”
  1. Safiullah says:

    Yaar I completely agree with you on this, I dont like new borns, infants toddlers, trouble twos, and any other kid less than the age of fourteen!, I dont like smartalec kid nor dumb kids! I just dont like kids! Wait that would mean I dont agree with you!!!

    I think I never was a kid, but I m pretty good with them, I can easily find what they like and dislike, are scared of what makes them tick. And I can very easily manipulate them, they are simpler to do so than grown people. Infact I can do the same for grown people and I dont like them either!

    But then compared to grown people, one could say that I like kids better, but the ones you could interact with, Newborns and Infacts are just too passive.

  2. karachiwali says:

    as bad as it may sound, i cant handle infants…in fact i try to stay away from them as mch as i can. i like the ones that are atleast 4-5 months old but with those too, i wouldnt just take them away from their mommies and hold them like a nanny! the funny thing is, the kids seem to love me for some unknown reason!! the latest one has to be my cousin’s 8 month old son who seems to adore me so much that he doesnt care about anyone else wen i am around.

  3. Pinky says:

    aww loved the bit abt “burp_the only highlight”….i always laugh when ppl comment on a one day old newborn “apni mama se milta hai,,nai nai baap pe gaya hai”..i bet these ppl would still succeed in conjuring resemblances even if the baby is switched 😀
    personally i like the kids in age bracket of 1-3yrs…aged less cry a lot n make u lift them (oh the weight)…n aged more than 3 ask questions which u just cant answer..e.g ” ye chhota baby jahan se aya hai wahan wapas kub jaye ga?????” asked by my friend’s lil sis abt her newborn brother

  4. Pinky says:

    just noticed the rhyming ….
    “apple pie”
    “kids & i”
    aye haye… sorry hira,couldnt resist 😛

  5. Anas Imtiaz says:

    I don’t hate kids. But I hate them when they begin to grow up and move and run. Especially, when they run towards me and bump their head unknowingly in areas which are supposed to be sensitive. I mean, wtf kid? can’t u see the height difference?!!

  6. farooqk says:

    where do babies come from??!! 😛

  7. Saad Ibrahim says:

    hehe Anas!

  8. safiullahhussaini says:

    Missy you ‘ve been tagged, her is the link.

  9. Musab says:

    After helping deliver about twelve of the Boris Karloff-Winston Churchill gargoyles over the past two weeks, I can safely say there’s very few things uglier than a newborn kid. Couldn’t say that in front of their mums though, but I’ve considered newborns ugly for as far as I can recall, probably cuz I was a horrible snake-eyed squirt myself ( something that my folks bring up at each and every opportunity ).
    However, i wonder why, but kids seem to like me too… Twisted little buggers !!

  10. Hira S. says:

    so i’m the only person here who kids hate back?
    I feel insulted.

    Safi, yaar, i don’t need a quiz to tell me i’m an anti-geek.

  11. safiullahhussaini says:

    But I want to torture you in return for all that torture from calling me sweet!!!!

  12. Hira S. says:

    you ARE. accept it. embrace it. Stop fighting your destiny.

  13. safiullahhussaini says:

    Yeah sure, when you accept the fact that you are half a guy!!!

  14. SAWJ says:

    Kids love me. I’m their favorite punching bag!

    @Hira and KW: I’ll ask you guys when you have one of your own!

  15. karachiwali says:

    i dont think ill make a good mom..even tho safi thinks i am the mommy figure!!

  16. Hira S. says:

    oh cmon… infants scare me yet i’m sure I’ll make a good mum. You’ll do great yaar!

    I don’t mind being half a guy, Safi; if it means i can handle action scenes, am not overly sentimental and can beat you up 😛

    And SAWJ you’re right. I’m sure i’ll like my own kids. I think.

  17. Saad Ibrahim says:

    everyone likes their own kids especially Moms

  18. karachiwali says:

    i hope i will like mine 😛

  19. SAWJ says:

    @Hira and KW: Would your kids like you? 😛

  20. Hira S. says:

    they’ll act like all kids do. ignore me until they’re 6 then never leave me alone.

  21. SAWJ says:

    I thought it was the other way round.

  22. Hira S. says:

    no. that’s my sister. kids love her til they’re six and then ignore her.

  23. Easypie says:

    So it’s three am and I can’t sleep, what’s a better time to reply to an old blog.
    It’s funny how you mention the baby talk . I work with kids ( studying to work with kids ) and a lot of the teachers use that language . From a developmental view it’s incorrect bit when you can let people like britney spears have a kid there is really not much you can do to stop stuff like that .
    One thing that really grinds my bones is when a human being can go up to another human beings ofspring and say ” your so cute I just want to eat you ” or ” your so cute I want to take you home ” now I guess that’s okay if it’s family saying that , the second one , but when a stranger says it now there something wrong with hat picture .

    Kids are interesting , spend time just watching them or doing something you know that thy will want to do infront of them and they’ll come running to you .

    If you want true colours of a child interact with them without there parents present , I prefer dealing with strangers kids rather than relatives is because when your working with a child the adult responsible has made a decision to leave the kid with you trusting you with the child . As long as you don’t abuse the power your okay. Relatives on the other hand want you to imteract with their children but only according to their rules following the methods they lay out , If you don’t like the way I deal with your kids then you deal with them and leave me out of the equasion .

    Hira you know some pretty annoying people ( Ali and myself ) yet here we are ; you can cope with us so I’m sure you’ll be great in coping with your spouces and yourselfs offspring 🙂

  24. Easypie says:

    Sorry for the long ass random post I did. Mention I coudbt sleep right?

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