Karachi’s X-girl

Computers hate me, cellphones blink out when I approach and microwaves self destruct the minute they see me enter the kitchen. I have a superpower; I kill machines.
For example, my brother’s got the ptcl wireless broadband service installed and it works great when he needs the pc. But the minute I press the power button, the service dies. The lights on the little boxie thing connected to all the wires go berserk, and every web page I open tells me they couldn’t connect to the server BUT- and here’s the rub- the internet is working perfectly on my brothers laptop, upstairs and about ten feet away, through the wireless whatever-it-is.
I’m a mutant. Call me…hmm…this one’s a toughie.
Anti-electro girl?
Uff. How do the X men come up with their names?
Ms. McMurphy’s law?
Lady Non-conductor?
Everything I learned in 12th grade physics has just flown out the window.

This hatred is mutual though. We’re just not compatible, machines and I, even though it is- in a way- a symbiotic relationship. I need my cell phone, and it needs me, nevertheless it takes infinite pleasure in killing itself whenever I require it the most (like during the middle of calls) while I try my hardest to give it as much physical pain as possible without causing permanent damage. This includes dropping it downstairs and forgetting it in public toilets. Don’t worry, it’s one of those ancient Nokias; nobody is going to steal it and it sure as hell won’t break.

The Amish, in Pennsylvania spurn technology.
Technology, atleast in Karachi, spurns me.
But then, as the only consolation I can find, technology in Karachi spurns pretty much everybody.

There’s barely any electricity so we buy generators and install UPS’s. Then when they break down we take out our emergency lights which give out a sickly white shine for about twenty minutes then flicker out with a gasp having run out of the little juice they have. Quickly we turn on our torches for a few seconds, before the batteries die because they’re cheap Chinese copies at high American prices, and finally finally, we revert to candles and laltains. We’re the non-complacent Amish.

Karachi gives you the benefit of being able to fit in any society at all, with or without electricity.

Aaj kal both my generator and UPS is dead. I’ve been dropped to ‘normal’ non- elitist, non burger level. Now it’s my house in perpetual darkness while the entire street is aglow. And being a burger and an ‘elite’, I can’t take that.

I have no qualms with the KESC. We use up more electricity then we produce, half the city steals, the other half fix the meters, and the few that pay the bill curse them so much they probably have booked seats in hell. What I can’t stand is myself being so dependent on electricity that 5 minutes without a fan drives me insane. And nothing pisses me off more than seeing the barabar wala house radiating more light than uranium. It’s all I can do to keep from putting sugar in their generator’s engine. In my defense, they have their meter ‘fixed’ as well.

I miss the days before generators and UPS’s where everyone became equal whenever the KESCwale or WAPDA (let’s not limit this to Karachi) felt like giving society a sermon.

no, not really.

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Comments
18 Responses to “Karachi’s X-girl”
  1. Majaz says:

    Non-complacent Amish!

    Hahahha, great post. I sympathize. I’ve got PTCL broadband too and it drives me nuts that it dies the moment a friend of mine wants to come and check her mail at my pc after much of my boasts that I’ve got 24-hr internet. And then, it says, “Cannot find server”. Pretty innit.

    Another sympathy for the UPS and generator being dead. It’s interesting to note that my UPS died after two years and we had to survive on candlelight after paying tens of thousands of rupees on time to the KESC. It’s also interesting that the neighbors who claim they don’t have enough food to eat actually own a generator.

    The world’s a funnnnnnnnnny funny place.

    Or maybe it’s just Karachi?

  2. BeKn|GhTeD says:

    We have no load shedding in lahore. You should move.

  3. Majaz says:

    I agree. You should … marry a Lahori.

  4. SAWJ says:

    I have a Wateen Wireless Broadband connection and it’s been driving me nuts lately. Opens all websites but when it comes to my blog, it loads only half of it.

    Well you can’t really blame the Chinese. All American companies get their products made in China. Cheap labor!

    In my opinion, the people of Pakistan are big hypocrites. Always crying “aata mehnga ho gaya” and sporting a brand new cell phone at the same time, actually more than one.

  5. Absar Shah says:

    Lol @ Majaz! Yeah, and end up wrecking havoc somewhere near Sialkot? 😛

    And HELL YEAH! Talk about Chinese stuff.. I got my MacBook a year ago, and on the bottom, they write in big letters “Designed by Apple in California” and in teeny tiny text “Assembled in China” 😛

  6. Hira S. says:

    @Majaz
    Karchi’s an extremely edgy version of Lewis Carrell’s wonderland. Queen of Hearts, Mad Hatter, the works. Sigh…but we still love it too much to move…lol! or marry a lahori!Thanks for the sympathy love, wish KESC wale shared the same emotion…

    @Beknighted
    Jhoote!!!! I remember when you had continuous loadshedding for 12 hours!! You cannot lie to me!

    @SAWJ
    True.We are. But a lot of people who’re doing the crying don’t have cellphones. That doesn’t lower the hypocrisy level though; factory seths say “kharcha buhat ho raha he” so the first thing they do is cut worker’s salaries or downsize.
    I dunno man. It’s not just Karachi, the whole country is insane.

    @Absar
    Ha ha!! You’ve been conned! I hate chinese things. with my powers all they require is a look to disintegrate.
    Oh and i didn’t get the Sialkot joke :(. Who’s wreaking havoc with what and why?

  7. Majaz says:

    Can the Lahoris please stand up?

    Where’s Beknighted?

  8. http://abebedorespgondufo.blogs.sapo.pt/ says:

    I Like your blog.
    Paulo
    Portugal

  9. Hira S. says:

    he he. He’s probably hiding in a corner.
    And wow paulo. Thanks!

  10. Safiullah says:

    Haha, I have a friend who can destroy, from walls to cell phones just by touching them…. and so can my youngest cousin… you are n’t related? are you?

    But for intents an purposes, you do have a mutant power. And you should find a name for your alter ego soon.

  11. BeKn|GhTeD says:

    Ah heck, screw lahore, its no better than anywhere else in the ‘Stan. But in all honesty aaj kal zero load shedding. ZERO!

    as for marrying a lahori, by all means do, just try to steer clear of the ‘proud to be punjabi’ crowd or any one who is proud of anything cast related.

  12. MAHARAJADHIRAJ says:

    so that’s how they fry the burgers in Karachi… lol

    thanx for dropping by 🙂

  13. Saadat says:

    The first name that came into my mind for your alter ego was “Pulse”. Coincidentally, Pulse is already a character in X-Men, and interestingly, one of his abilities is to disable electronic systems.

    Maybe you can be a “She-Pulse”.

  14. easypie says:

    You could do what i did when i was there,every time the lights would go i would hop in the car and go somewhere.Mind you it would have probably been cheaper to get the ups fixed but then again where is the fun in that 🙂

  15. Hira S. says:

    @ easypie
    You will find out in my next post why i don’t hop in a car and drive. Stay tuned, same place same channel.

    @Saadat
    FINALLY someone actually understood the primary purpose of this post i.e finding me a mutant name. I like Pulse, i also remember another mutant that had almost the same power as mine being called Leech. What sounds better? She-Leech or She Pulse? i also liked Lady Pulse too.

    @maharaja dhiraj
    Thanks for returning the favor. And yeah in Karachi they have some eccentric methods of barbequeing.

    @ Beknighted
    Aaj kal na…! Wese, for some reason every punjabi i’ve ever met has been from the ‘proud to be a punjabi’ crowd. They wear their castes on their sleeves in the form of campaign badges.

    @ Safiullah
    If your friend has every phobia on the planet as well as super destructive powers then maybe she/he is my long-lost twin. And aw…your lil cousin can be forgiven. kids are born mutants.

    PEOPLE! THINK UP A NAME!!!!

  16. Ravenlocke says:

    bijli. that is your name.

    and uranium doesnt glow. zyada cartoon dekh liye hain.

  17. Majaz says:

    Bijliwoman does have a nice ring to it. So does Wapdawoman.

    ESPECIALLY if you marry that Lahori??

    Sajjad kithay ae?

  18. Hira S. says:

    AREY!!!??

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