My Zoey- part 1
Something catastrophic should have happened when Zoey was born. My ten year old niece will accomplish what even Hitler couldn’t manage to do; she WILL take over the world. And she’s planned it all…every little detail is mapped out in that brilliant precocious brain of her; the evil lair inside a mountain, with the moat full of crocodiles and two highly trained rescue dolphins in case she herself fell in by accident, her two not-so-evil henchmen codenamed ‘brownie’ and ‘pie’ who will be her publicity agents, and of course, the end of all free speech. Zoey hates free speech, she thinks it’s silly. And she’ll need a secretary to note down every word she says.
Yesterday that was my job. I’d been asking people how they would define a hero. Zoey, the exceptionally evil mastermind, happened to overhear me ask Farya that question, and insisted that I write down her opinion on heroes. Here it goes (these are actual quotes):
Zoey: “A hero?? A hero is a heroine! Never marry a policeman. Policemen carry bombs. A policeman is the lowest form of a hero. Nobody is the highest form of a hero.”
“Why do heroes always have broad shoulders? They look ugly. Heroes should hate babies. They should let them burn in buildings”
“Parvez Musharraf is a baby. He sucks his thumb and cries for his mommy.”
“Heroes are silly creations. They’re not real.”
Now taken collectively they seem childish ramblings, but let’s analyze each one separately.
A hero is a heroine
A heroine is twice a hero, because she has to work harder to be taken seriously. So basically, being a heroine is heropana squared.
Never marry a policeman. Policemen carry bombs. A policeman is the lowest form of a hero.
Policemen are the lowest forms of heroes because they’re PAID to be heroes!! It’s their job! That’s actually really profound…
Nobody is the highest form of a hero
What’s the highest form of a hero? Batman? Superman? Do they exist? No…therefore NOBODY is the highest form of a hero!
Why do heroes always have broad shoulders? They look ugly.
I agree. They look terrible deformed. And there’s no rule that states a hero has to look like Lenny Coleman. Ordinary people can be heroes. In most cases ordinary people are heroes.
Heroes are silly creations. They’re not real
This takes the cake. This one comment was more insightful then all the opinions I’d noted from every slightly intelligent person I could find, and I received a lot of opinions (link). The truth is that heroes, whether real, or imaginary, are usually as we perceive them. They’re what we make them out to be. And a ten year old understood what a lot of people don’t. That’s just weird…
I’ll continue the Zoey chronicles tomorrow. That is, if she hasn’t taken over the world by then.