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Isn’t it strange? The way things can change

The life that you lead, turned on its head

 

It’s hard, adjusting. There are moments you want to hide in the bathroom and cry for your mommy but then someone knocks and asks you if everything’s ok. You say “yeah, out in a minute” and wish you were back home where nobody panicked if you spent more than five minutes in the loo. The toughest thing about being married isn’t sharing one’s bed; it’s sharing one’s bathroom. It’s been a week since my wedding and it’s the one thing I can’t get used to.

 

Suddenly someone means more than you felt before

A house and its yard turns into home.

 

Everything changes. With one word repeated three times you hand the rights to your life to somebody else and accept the keys to his. It’s so difficult being responsible for somebody but oneself. My happiness is inexplicably linked to his. How’d that happen? Where was that in the nikkah clause? I didn’t sign up for this.

 

The first week of marriage is about learning. Slowly I’m getting the hang of having a husband; a new home and a new family. I’m trying to figure out how to blend in while still staying true to myself. Tall order, but I’m Pakistani. We’re the gods of immigration and cultural fluidity. I’ll manage.

 

The time that it took writing words for my book
Seems to have broken in half
The gate that I shut last time I got hurt
Seems to have opened itself

 

There’s power in the nikkah somewhere. You don’t feel like this before you’re married- even if you’ve been engaged for decades. He becomes perfect, flaws that were mildly irritating become endearing, a face that was endearing becomes essential for survival. It’s not just love anymore. I’m not sure whether it has a name, but it feels like you’re bound for life with every breath that he takes. That you’re finally where you’re meant to be.

 

Oh the world, its spinning now. It’s trying to catch me up
and tell me to appreciate the here and now

 

The uncertainty’s gone. That feeling when you woke up each morning not sure where life was headed…it’s in the past. It’s replaced with the belief that no matter what happens, and where life takes you, your rock will always be with you. That your ship will always have an anchor. It’s the most beautiful feeling in the world.

 

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Filed under dumb girlypana, future happiness